Racing on ahead, anticipating my destination – the time to think of a special someone perhaps?  Maybe it would be, if there was an actual person to think of, than just a vague ideal. Of course, the people on the other side say that my grass is green. Maybe they’re right. Of course, things might just go right, but sheer numbers doom any short flight of intense emotion to crash into the mountains of reality. But then, the mind argues, statistics don’t mean anything. Until they become you, that is.

On cue, the stench of rotting flesh fills my nostrils. The thing about Indian state highways is that a cyclist carrying milk is as likely to think it his own as is the driver of a growling 8-wheeler. Not to mention those tractors, which drag trailers that seem to have a mind of their own, but are just about kept in check by an ever weakening link. I don’t know why that makes me think of America’s white supremacist hypocrisy of the mid-20^th century.

The thing about Andhra Pradesh (and this is probably something Mayawati is trying to emulate) is that there are statues of political figures everywhere. Be it the most popular sarpanch of the village, or a demigod-like ex-CM, or the god who flew over these lands ages ago, carrying a mountain single-handedly. Be it life sized, larger than life sized, or Grawp-sized, be it a street crossing or a village square, these statues will be found in number and in variety. Talk about wanting immortality.

I guess that the fact that even commoners who have never seen a person regard his statue highly says a lot about the person, or the mentality of the people. I guess it’s the former. I’ve been told that a lot of reforms have been enforced by the incumbent government. And indeed, the farmers I’ve seen here, in these rain-fed, not-so-fertile regions are the most prosperous I have seen, and I have visited rural areas in Chattisgarh, Rajasthan and Bengal.

I am moving towards the seashore, and I imagine the salty winds taking possession of me.  An Indica with holes instead of its headlights approaches. I can’t help but think of an animal that has had its eyes gouged out. Does anyone else think that cars look like animals?

The waves of the Ganga are particularly wild today, encouraging me to imagine them reminding me of something I have long been putting off for quite some time now –writing about them.

The river before me beckons, flowing away from me, the waters in the wake of the old, loud diesel-powered boat swirling with foam and refuse cast by the dirty city into its purportedly holy waters.

The ripples created by the boat’s relative motion clash with the waves, and are quickly stopped – the river is really raging today – and subsided, much like societal quelling of god knows how many thinkers diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

The uncanny smell – of burning cadavers with wood – as the boat draws to a halt near the crematorium – the smell – of spirits drifting away to infinity, of tears evaporating in the soft evening heat, of flesh melting in the breezy flames, briefly causing me to think about the inevitable end I must embrace.

The Sun is setting, drawing curtains on yet another day- good and bad, regular and large, happy and hungry, and the rays diffuse on the water in a wide band towards the west – a shimmering gold on a tempestuous blue-gray.

The final stop approaches, the boat slows down, the waves seem more violent somehow, and give the boat a last, less than gentle rocking as I step off it to the wooden jetty, as if admonishing me for leaving, and beckoning to return.

I am looking forward to the return journey.

The following is a work of non-fiction. Any resemblance with characters living, dead or undead, is purely non-coincidental and intended

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Him and a girl named Her, and the world in, around and between them.

They were friends. Good friends. You see, they were compatible. Compatible people are really, really hard to find.

Then one fine day, Him and Him’s friends were hanging out. Him talked to Her on the phone and Her wanted to join them. Him happily agreed. Him enjoyed spending time with Her. Her was nice to talk to on the phone and online, but even more so face to face, by virtue of being very pretty. So Him and Him’s friends were joined by Her. As the evening progressed, Him began to feel that something was not right. Later that night, when Him was in bed, he couldn’t sleep.

Him thought incessantly about Her.

Him had never, ever thought about Her in quite that way. Him used to hit on her regularly, but in a very friendly and light-hearted way. This, however was quite different. Him and Her were on a beach, sitting with Her’s head on His’s shoulder, and they were just talking, talking softly. The beach became another quiet setting,  not quite as clear as the vision of Her in His’s arms, Her’s soft, warm body entwined in His’s. Him and Her became Them, and the world had no other people other than Them in that moment. These happy visions were then suddenly gone, and were replaced by Insecurity, The worst enemy of Love. Maybe Them was not such a good idea after all. Maybe pursuing ‘Them’ would kill ‘Him and Her’. Maybe Him was not good enough for Her. In the deepest throes of despair thus caused, however, salvation came in the form of  those happy visions making their appearance again, and the whole night, Him was caught in this painful  tempest of oscillating emotions. Him then thought of this word- Heartquake.

The other morning, Him called Her and tried to explain his feelings. Him was confused about his feelings, and was in a lot of physical pain. However, with Her help, Him finally could figure out the issue, and think beyond the pain. Finally it was clear to Him that the feeling Him harboured for Her was infatuation in its raw, unadulterated form, triggered by the pretty face and Him’s general admiration of Her. If Him made mistakes, the cost could be Her as a friend. Him then set about restoring order in the world. It would be very difficult, but had to be done, to prevent life from tuning to Hell, like so many before Him.

Him realized the need to take it slow with Her, the current speed was breakneck. More time was needed to, well, just let things take their own course. Rushing things at this stage would be disastrous for Them as well as Him and Her. Him realized that Friendship is the most important relationship of all, and trumps Infatuation anyday, because Infatuation brings with it Jealousy and Insecurity, the most efficient destroyers of a peaceful life. Him also tried to revive the Self-Confidence lost during The Heartquake.

The Bottomline, then is, that Him learnt three important lessons in approximately forty-eight turbulent hours:-

• The need to let things take their own course  in matters of the Heart

• The value of Friendship.

• The importance of not losing Self Confidence.

These monumental changes instilled in Him a sense of Joy and Relief, Happiness at being able to crawl out of the Abyss of Despair and Desperation. Him became less Excitable and Less Worried Perpetually, and more Confident. Time would decide Him’s fate, and everything would happen for the best.

As For Him and Her, well, Them lived Happily Ever After.

They say that change is the one thing that’s constant in life. I agree. Change is what life is about. One always changes; Every week, every day, every hour perhaps, you find something that’s new, something you want to do, something, the tiniest little thought, desire, or resolution that changes you. People say that these are small things, the *real* me has never changed and never will. Though I seriously doubt their contentions, I will restrict myself to writing more about myself.

My life, in my opinion, can be clearly divided into a few rather distinct phases-

Ø Pre-Class 10 phase:

This is when I was the consummate teacher’s pet- the prefect, the monitor, the guy-who-comes-first-and-always does-his-homework and whatnot. This, despite the fact that I never really remember studying much. I did, however love reading books. They were my constant companions and I could always be found with some novel or the other. Unfortunately, though I was not a couch potato, I did not play sports a lot. A curious little bookworm who still managed to be sufficiently popular, I made friends with a lot of people, some of whom I did not even like, don’t ask me how! Obviously, precious few of those friends remain. I must also mention that I have always studied in a boys’ school (L), hence had no real interaction with the fairer sex until my +2 JEE tuitions, which is another phase of my life, to be discussed later. I also must clarify that though I was liked by my fellows and my teachers alike, I was by no means the innocent guy who did not engage in mischief. Though I do recall those yesteryears with fervent nostalgia, I also know that there is a lot I missed, a lot to learn that I did not ( all sports are examples L ). Mine was not a perfect, but a pretty good and memorable bachpan. All said and done though, what I was about to turn into was to surprise everyone, including myself.

Ø +2 Phase (pre-JEE)

Like most other class toppers, I joined science, the branch stereotypically for studious people (henceforth referred to as ‘maggu’s ) like me. I had a choice- study medical or engineering. Despite a casual interest in biology, I decided to pursue the much talked and written about dream of IIT, mainly because most of my friends were doing so. Following the advice of a family friend, I joined a coaching institute of repute, again, like most of my friends. There, an excited young kid anxiously and nervously pondered about the mysterious species that was females. (In case you insensitive wretches are thinking I am exaggerating… I’M NOT!!! )

The beginnings were interesting, with me ‘discovering’ some pretty girls(obviously not being able to muster the courage to talk to them), and being very much ‘crush’ed. I made a few friends who liked to have a lot of fun, just like me, and well, we forgot that science was stereotypically about studying, and I did a lot of silly stuff. It was a phase of my life where I did things just so a> I would be considered ‘cool’ or b> It would be so crazy and weird that everyone would take notice of me. Put simply, I was an attention-seeker. The plan didn’t always work so well, however, and I was often subject to ridicule and made a fool of myself.

However, things began to sort themselves out, as the pretty girl(s)  in question decided IIT was not their thing, and quit tuitions. I changed friends, and by class 12, I was studying. Still, had a lot of fun, and my +2 days at (a new) school were totally awesome and enriching. Gave JEE, had an awesome day in the field, and succeeded beyond all my expectations, and got admitted to Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur, where my ongoing and most exciting phase of life began.

I was thinking of including my discourse on my life thus far at Kgp, in this post. However, I feel it merits a different post(s). Watch this space for updates J

Cheers

This is the part where people write “About Me”. Well, I don’t think I really know myself that well… I always do things that surprise people around me, be it suddenly transforming from the shy guy with unsure footing to the freak dancing unabashedly to ‘chumma chumma de de’ to the whims of his beloved seniors (No sarcasm intended, seniors here aren’t as bad as they are made out to be), or turning from the outspoken and brash loudmouth to the sensitive guy who understands (unbelievable but true ). What I do know is I am driven by, like most sane beings, a desire to be, and stay, happy. I am rather impulsive and tend to do things I would never have done had it not been for that Rush Of Blood To The Head ( No ColdPlay Intended ). Not claiming that I have done anything that’s crazy to the point of self-risk or testing the mental and physical integrity of people around me, I do believe that the day is not far off… Yeah, but that is another blog post, sometime in the future…

Coming back to the present, and going a little futher back, hmm…. a little more, I recall a pathetic attempt to start blogging, just because I thought it was a cool thing to do. I have erased for eternity that shadow of my past life, moved on from blogspot, to wordpress… Well, that’s a whole new, and hopefully sizeable blog post, not so far off in the future. For now, it is 4:34, and I am beginning to yawn and my eyes are closing involuntarily. Ah, another night-out narrowly missed… More to come, sooner than you think …